最后一次

最后一次了吧
和大家这样一起做chemistry。。
真的很庆幸能和大家一起打拚
大家对我的包容胜于一切
对，我很笨，我很差
一直不断的在拖累大家
觉得很抱歉

和大家嘻嘻哈哈的日子
很快很快过
眨眼间，我们不知度过多少个周末
过程有时很辛苦
但我却过得很充实，很有意义，也少不了开心
我真正开始学习，是因为你们每一位，教会了我许多东西

最主要的是
感谢那一位“老师”
愿意花时间教我们，陪我们，和我们一起战斗
对他的感激，没话说，只有赞赏的话
再加上，这么用心教我这个白痴，更是敬佩！
常在想如果他没有教我，现在会不会飞到更远？
我是不是在扯后腿？
他对每个人的用心
大于一切
我从他身上看到了用心
真的

接下来，是我们要飞翔的日子了
以后要靠自己了
我想，我们一定会很努力
这样才不会辜负他对我们的期盼。。

大家，加油！！！

生活

忍耐是痛苦的
在陌生人面前我能放肆的流泪
在熟悉的面前却要咬紧牙根在硬撑
我失去了一直努力的目标
心失去了方向
下一步我不知该怎么办
到了这里，心有时真的很凉
只能怪自己差
也要原谅别人对自己的不谅解
面对别人的讽刺讥笑只能淡然的面对
好几次放弃的念头
却因为身旁种种因素让我不得前进
从一开始就踏错了路

如果你喜欢一个人，可是你知道这一个人永远都不会喜欢你，你会怎样做？继续还是放弃？

Everyone is leaving
To UK, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore , Manchester United, China...
what should we blame?
education system?
globalization?
Now my friends are all over the world
Thanks to facebook, is easier to find out that which country that are in now
I wonder when i go back malaysia, how many friends left that i can call them out to yam cha..
That why i am not considering go back until December
i guess i will keep going out to all kinds of gathering or outing as most of them will be having break at that time
oh ya, i also want to use the opportunity to ask those who is going to leave Malaysia soon to take care and hope that they can adapt to the new environment as soon as possible.
I strongly believe we can meet someday

恋

不愿承认不愿面对

我真的爱你很深很深

一个笑容一句话语

都让我心跳很快很快

每个思索每个欲望

全被你占据很满很满

无法平静不想透露

因为爱你快乐很久很久


情愿醉死在梦里


当一切都变得无力


情愿为你而美丽


当你呼唤我的名字


情愿默默的隐藏


当它只是一个错误


情愿很久的以后


当一切都被时间冲淡

我只会更爱你

有你真好

这时候最能让我想起你，多希望你在这里，oh~~~

你总是愿意　把你的手心　借给我握紧。

该往哪里，我总是依赖着你，你是我的方向感，oh~~~

我可以确定，你会带着我，朝对的方向前进。

I´m thinking of you，　我有你真好，你能让烦恼变得渺小，

我遇见一个最懂我的人，我会提醒自己，把这份爱收好。

I´m thinking of you，　我有你真好，只要牵着你的手就知道，

我不是一个人在这世界停靠，因为我拥有你　在我心里。

I´m thinking of you，　我有你真好，只要牵着你的手就知道，

我早已经没有任何缺少，因为我拥有你在我心里。

Reflection on me

Initially this was what i wanted to post :
"世界很大　却没有办法容下我　很多人都希望我消失吧　跟我相处久了的人都觉得我是不折不扣的大麻烦吧?　放心　佩雯会消失的　很快　再忍忍"

That time, I was upset by something.. I even called Mr. J because i felt that i could not handle my emotions seriously. He told me a lots of things. His words made me realized that I am really worry too much. He reminded me that when i faced problem, it was good to consult friends but overly reliance on friends was bad. I remembered clearly that he said that there is nth that cannot be solve, sometimes i have to rely on my own power to solve it. There are much more things that i want to share but due to time constraint, i cannot elaborate further. What he said, brought a big impact to me. And i shall put all those words in my head. Trust me, he is a sincere friend. Mr. J, thank you! That why i always say your place in my heart is very important. Thanks for being such wonderful friend. But to be honest, i lied to you. I was crying when i was talking to you. I actually recovered already.

Yup. i am too rely on others. and i think that i always bring trouble to other ppl. I promise from now on i will try my best to reduce my reliance on others. I want to believe with myself. JIA YOU! GAMBATEH! Not forget to mention, thanks to all my friends who always tolerate with me especially MrFxxx.


After i finished watching this, i realized that is good to be yourselves. In other ppl's eyes , i may be a childish, 没大脑。。。。。but i'm just me! No matter what, i will still try my best to change my bad habit

惊喜

今天听988，主题是关于惊喜
主持人说：通常在别人生日为他们带来惊喜的那些人，在自己的生日时永远的不到惊喜。。

以下是我的留言
“确实，我常是那个会给惊喜别人的那个人。 总是努力地策划，然后在别人的生日的时候给与他们惊喜。 可是，往往自己的生日时总是很落寞，也许是因为自己也期待别人给自己惊喜吧。 我常在想，在这么努力地要带给别人惊喜，自己到最后得到什么，只是换来一句的谢谢吗？但是不管如何，我的内心不知觉还是会那样给别人惊喜，因为我一直了解孤单过生日的滋味。。　其实，从一开始，就不该有所期待不是吗？就好像前天我生日时，一首生日歌都没有听到。我，只好一直给自己唱温岚的“祝我生日快乐”。　现在，我才恍然大悟，生日，再也不过是普通的一天而已，唯一不同的是，你会得到很多祝福。但其实，有多少人真正记得呢？"

不知道为什么
到了现在
还是为那些台湾偶像剧的剧情弄得流泪
明明是千篇一律的剧情
明明别人看了都不觉得怎样
可是我为什么还会被感动到？
为什么我的心还是会痛？
不是说好要忘记
可是心里还是好期待有一个爱着我，保护我的人出现
我很清楚那是不切实际的想法
但是我也很难控制我自己

发泄够了，就算了
我要为我的学业好好加油！

Hataraki Man2

Episode 3 - People who can do what they really want are lucky. For most people, once they go out in the world, they lose that. You're made to do things you want to. And you see that reality isn't what you thought. Eventually you don't know what to do anymore.

I wonder whether i can choose what job i want to do in the future. Even though i can get into the career i want, the job that being assigned are they really want i want?
I don't want to think much now. I just hope that at least i can get into the course i want for university.. LET'S WORK HARD for that!

Episode 4 - admiration will become an obstacle at work sometimes, but admiration also plants a lots of seeds in the heart

Really have to agree with this. For me, admiration can be my motivation, but also something that disturb me sometimes. Because, I am not able to control my heart!

Hataraki Man

"Wash your face and start all over again! Be who you are"
"That's right. I pushed the responsibilities of my failure onto others. "

The drama is inspiring me.
Ya, I'm quite down these few days.
No matter how i try to get out, it seems like resistant force there
These 2 days i strongly felt i am tired
I'm tired of life.
I shouldn't push the responsibilites of my failure
Shouldn't still wondering what's went wrong
Time to wash my face and move on!

PW

Not to grumble..
Not to express my sadness..
Just intend to say what's in my mind now..

Congratulations SG01 for doing well for PW.. (except me)
really proud of them!

After cool down and come and think about it,
i think my efforts for PW are not wasted at all..
at least i contribute myself and therefore my PW group members can get good results
at least i hv a son that i can nag
at least i enjoy the process of PW although is really tiring
at least get to get closer with miss tan

i actually intend to look back the video and slides that i did
but i scared i will cry
maybe i will go back n see it like 1 year or 2 year later?

i never thought that i will write this post..
after reading tham hin's post,
i am surprised
he thanked me for his PW's survey and A&E
but i don't think i actually help much..
he helped me even more than that (other subjects)
but because of him
i think i shouldn't blame myself for dragging the whole class's perfomance
at least my group members get As

but still , i want to change name..
don't like my name short form is PW

after all , i still want to thanks Miss Tan and all SG01 members...

泪海

果然，我的预感是准确的

但是却没料到我会奔溃



当我知道自己的成绩时，

好像我被打了好几个巴掌那样

可是却不想流泪

只是想安安静静地离开



但是，我却被许多人围攻

每个人都认为我有事

全世界的人都在包围我

好像我是罪人一样

每个人看我的眼神

一刀一刀刺进我的心

感觉上我不在这个世界

还有人把tissue 塞在我的手

让我更觉得自己多么没用



我，强忍着眼泪

我，真的不想变得软弱

我，真的很想当着什么事情都没发生过那样

因为，我知道，我已经不会那么软弱了。。

要不然，我那SPM成绩那时，失去了唯一的A早就哭得稀里哗啦。。。

但是，他们都不懂， 所有的安慰， 只会让我更脆弱！

可是，我也清楚，我一直在忍着，在压抑，把所有的泪水吞进脑袋。。

眼睛也非常疲倦，因为泪水停留在那里



当时被包围时，我看见了“浑蛋”

其实很想求他帮忙，带我远离那里。。

但是。。



就在这时，张银美大小姐就来抱着我

我就奔溃了

泪水完全的流下

我就好像找到一个让我很熟悉的地方

让我放下了我所有的心防
我哪会有那么笨的朋友？
会跟着我一起哭。。　


说不伤心是假的

其实我很相信我自己能度过这一股伤心

毕竟我真的付出了很多心血

曾经有一段期间我是满脑子都是PW的

不管是走路，或者在搭巴士

都很努力地在想要如何改进我的PW

还有我曾经在朋友家做PW，做到完全不知道自己为什么会在她家的地上睡着

可是环境让我顿时间把所有的伤心累积

因为我没有办法和全部人一起为自己的成绩开心大喊

也没办法让我的班创造全A的历史

我在责怪我自己
同时也没有听到想得到的安慰



很庆幸，

我找到让自己把所有的伤心发泄完的方式 --- 打篮球！

刚巧是下雨

我不知道我脸上的是泪水还是雨水

只是拼命的投球！

篮板我也看得不清楚

还会疯狂的大笑

渐渐的

所有东西就抛在脑后

就好像回到从前和朋友打篮球那样开心

要非常感谢我的儿子。。。



可是现实是残酷的

我必须要回到这个世界

我知道我的电话一直在响

他们都在找我

可是，我真的能拍照吗？

我的笑容是假的

我的开心是假的

我的坚强也是假的



篮球给我的疗伤，只能一阵子

当Jolander和我谈天时，我想她应该发现我的眼眶其实还是有泪水的

只要打开我的泪水，其实它们就想水龙头一样流个不止

只是在人前，我还是努力地微笑



回家时

不知道是不是因为巴士里都是我不认识的人

不知不觉，泪又落下

明明就什么都没想

泪水就是不听话

是不是害怕寂寞？

有人听到我哽咽的声音回头望我

但是很快的就不理会我

我不理它，就让它一直落下。。



sheng sheng整天都不相信我的英文很烂，现在我就是要告诉他 !

我不是说5月1日想回去吗？
但是，现在似乎很难
因为要把重心都放在课业上
可是，真的很想回去疗伤
因为只有purple house才能把我的伤治好

其实不应该开掉这个水龙头，因为每次想起它，心就好像被刀割！

惟有等到时间能痊愈它　

我想很多人很讨厌我吧！因为我是PW..

results

i know what results i will get
i know i will fail especially Bio and Maths
even GSC i also not confident i can score well..
but i really hv no mood to study
80% of bio i am unclear....i hv very vague idea on how to ans those qns..

my brain are stuck
all the information cannot go in...
1 week really isn't enough...
i dunno i doing the right things..
i think this time my time management really bad

although is quite negative to draw such conclusion that i will fail almost all the subjects,
but then i still hv to try to do my best..

Tired

Today was the last day of this term
Just realised i had not been sleeping well for the few months since the start of JC2
I couldnt recall any dream
I din even know am i dreaming a not
I just know everytime i lie on the bed, when i open my eyes again it showed 5 sth..
My daily routine was repeated...
I would easily fall asleep when i did not know what the lecturer/ teacher talking about..

Time flies..
now already march
i don't hv much time left

亏欠

我觉得最亏欠的是我的父母和一直支持我的朋友。。 现在，我的成绩不好，非常的沮丧，因为父母真的花了很多钱送我到外国念书。。 可是，我真的好辛苦，我的努力并没有反映在我的成绩上。 。我不明白为何自己那么笨，为什么总是没有办法发挥水准。。。

我一直在伪装，假装很开心，假装能发挥自己的傻劲来让身边的人开心，但我错了！我没有办法承受，面对那些一大堆不懂的东西，我就快要疯了！我好累！ 我好沮丧！ 已经没有办法像以前那样开心了。。只知道好累，可是每天还是要撑下去。 我坦白，我并不是个坚强的人，但是为了那些为了我一直努力的人，我只能坚持下去。。

Can't breathe

i can't breathe..
i surrounded by clever people..
i surrounded by ESP students

i think Mrs Kwang made a mistake when she put me in SG01
with my results.. i shouldn't in SG01
actually i feel so stress in that class most of the time
i really don't like to be in this kind of environment
but i can get a lots of help from them
following their pace is hard for me

u cant blame me that i feel so happy for chinese and GSC lesson
the environment is different
and i feel so happy with SG19 ppl
they all r nice ppl...

no matter what.. once i step into SG01..i rather hv no choice but just can go forward..
no matter what.. i have to catch up with their steps even though i need to put more efforts..

这个世界公平吗？

有些人具备了与生俱来的智慧
只需要最后一点点地努力
就能胜于别人
有些人不断地往前努力
就算自己的智慧不如人
但是获得的成果却略人一节

或许我们不知道别人在背后的付出
但是确实有天生聪明的人
对于智慧不高，只能不停地往上游
付出的努力却要比别人双倍
公平吗？

我们无法埋怨，只能不受命运的安排。。。
因为只有努力过，生活才会充实

华文

本小姐完成了那份35面的华文各校考题！

不错吧！
一半以上的练习是边看痞子英雄，边做的!
距离 a-level 华文考试大约还有一天吧!
我是非拿到A不可的
因为这是我的强项
也不可丢马来西亚的脸
再加上大家对我的期望都很高
还被称为“神”，如果没有拿到甲，岂不是很丢脸吗？

我相信我自己的能力
只要小心及不要太啰嗦，我一定行！
加油佩雯！

祈祷我能拿到能让我发挥得淋漓精致的作文题目，让考官大开眼界!

phy or bio?

today chinese period teacher go through 藤野先生
the last page of the text was stuck in my head
then after i read my friend's physics paper about wave
suddenly remind me of Mr Wong...
ya..the one who really make my physics improve a lots..
furthermore wave is the first chapter he taught me...
because of him, i felt that physcis are so interesting..
everything seems like easily go into my brain..
dun have to study really hard in order to know the concept before exam as compare to other subject..

till now..
i still din dare to tell him i am not taking physics..
i wonder what expression he will give me..
i heard from Mun Yue that he asked about me.......
ya.. last holiday when i went back malaysia.. i din go find him

everytime after exam.. he will sure ask me
"pei wen, physics got A or not? 90+ ah?" ...ya..always in cantonese...
i think he puts a lots of hopes on me..

y i take biology?
i don't know
i actually really not interested in bio..
last time bio was my weakest subject among the 3 sciences
i get A2 by luck...
maybe influence by my bro? who loves bio a lots...
maybe influence by my friends?
not sure..
i really not patient with bio...
i easily fall asleep when i start reading bio..
a-level bio make me feel worse..
cell structure...bio molecules..genes.. virus...

am i really like science?
i dunno..